


C'mon Already!

by Sophtly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance, Thank God for Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 03:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophtly/pseuds/Sophtly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sam is completely done with Dean and Cas and their eye fucking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	C'mon Already!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to my beta for this story- the lovely Ara Claire http://arasiriel.tumblr.com/

It started after the angel showed up. Yeah, yeah, I know. I didn’t used to believe they existed either, but you kind of have to when one starts showing up in your hotel rooms on a regular basis.  At first I was kind of in awe of him. I mean I’d kept praying all these years, I guess it made me feel closer to Mom, and I always wanted to believe that there was something good out there. You know? Like watching out for us?

 Dean has always made fun of me for it.  He doesn’t put much stock in all this 'God stuff' as he calls it, but joke’s on him because now this angel is the closest thing Dean has to a best friend, besides me. Anyway, I got over the awe part pretty quickly when Cas (his name is Castiel, but we call him Cas) kept calling me an abomination on a regular basis. That gets old pretty damn fast, let me tell you.  It’s not like I don’t feel like a freak every friggin’ day of my life already. He hasn’t done that in a long time though, now that I think about it. I guess we’re kind of buddies now, me and Cas. Sometimes he even smiles at me like he approves of me a little bit and that feels good. Maybe he has finally decided I’m not such an abomination after all. Of course these days he can’t go pointing fingers too much anyway. Not after he rebelled against Heaven and God and everything he was trained and created to do. Not that I’m complaining, mind you, it just evens the playing field if you know what I mean.

Long story short, Cas is one of us now, and having an angel on your side is handy for sure. It’s too bad most angels are dicks ‘cause if every hunter had an angel by his side, we’d probably have cleaned up most of the monsters in North America by now. So you have to understand that I appreciate Cas, I do. There’s just one problem. One problem squished together like this- DeanandCas. God, these two are killing me. My brother, he’s kind of a man whore. I mean seriously, I love him, but he’s probably slept with a chick in every town from California to South Carolina. I always thought he was like the straightest of straight guys, and then, like I said, this angel shows up. At first I thought they were just kind of bonded like war buddies. Cas did pull Dean out of hell and that has resulted in what Cas likes to call a “profound bond” between him and Dean, which I totally get. What I don’t totally get is why somehow that profound bond has turned into those two eye fucking every time they’re together and staring after each other longingly whenever they’re fighting or separated. I’m cool with the whole Dean digging Cas thing, but I don’t really get it. I guess objectively Cas could be considered attractive. He’s not ugly. He’s got these really blue eyes and this hair that makes him look like he forgot to brush it when he got out of bed, and I’ve heard that some people like that. I’m just not into Cas that way, so it’s hard for me to see him as anything but just Cas- my sort of buddy who I mostly get along with and who sometimes calls me an abomination. But like I said, if he and Dean want to be together, far be it from me to stop them. The problem is that they won’t admit that they want each other. I mean seriously, epic love stories have been filmed on less chemistry then these two have, and yet they won’t do anything about it. It’s making me crazy.

I should say it was making me crazy, because it’s not really anymore because I’ve said my piece and now I’m sitting back and seeing what happens. Knowing these two idgits, probably nothing will. What happened was that yesterday Cas pops into the room and we’re discussing this case and he and Dean are arguing about something and Cas is all up in Dean’s space (like he always is) and then they’re just kind of standing there staring at each other and not saying anything, just breathing really hard and I just can’t hold it in any longer. “Would you two get a room already?” I yell at them. (I may possibly throw a book across the room as well). Cas just looks at me with that blank stare he gets sometimes and says “Isn’t this our room?” and seriously, how is this guy a warrior from heaven and he’s this clueless? You’d think in a thousand years on earth he’d have learned a few things about basic English phrases, but no.

“What’s your deal, Sam?” Dean shoots at me.

“What’s my deal? What’s _my_ deal? My deal is that I’m sick to death of watching you two eye fuck every other second and staring at each other when the other one isn’t looking. Oh, and looking like someone killed your dog when one of you has to leave. Why don’t you just tell each other you have great big gay love feelings for each other and be done with it?” Dean looks like he wants to punch me in the face or dive out the window, but I don’t give him the chance. “I’m outta’ here” I say, and grab the keys off the table and leave. If there’s still a God up in heaven, I hope He knocks those two idgits heads together and makes them see some sense before I lose my mind.

***

Listen, I don’t know what all Sam's been telling you, but Cas and I aren’t 'eye fucking' all the time or whatever. I mean yeah, Cas has these eyes that are intense, right? They’re so frickin’ blue it’s like God himself fashioned a new color just for them, (Hey, maybe He did) and I don’t think it makes me gay that sometimes I get kind of, I don’t know, stuck in them, like I can’t look away. The first time I met Cas I was pissed at him, and if I’m being honest, scared kind of shitless ‘cause nothing we had was phasing the guy. But then he talked to me and he looked into my eyes and it was like he was looking into my soul. Okay, okay, I know how girlie that sounds, but seriously. He just looked into my eyes, into _me_ and said “You don’t think you deserve to be saved.” It wasn’t a question, it’s like he friggin’ knew, man. He knew that I didn’t believe God sent an angel to rescue me from hell because I didn’t deserve to be saved. I didn’t. I don’t. All the shit I did on earth and then all the shit I did in hell? I can’t really think of anyone who deserves it less, but sometimes when I look into Cas’s eyes, I believe that maybe I did deserve to be saved. It never lasts for long, but sometimes I feel like the person that Cas seems to think I am.

Oh god, maybe Sam is right. Maybe I am turning into a girl. Listen, Cas is just…he’s Cas. He’s an angel, and yeah, I kind of think of him as _my_ angel. He’s my angel who happens to come in some pretty nice packaging, okay? Like his eyes, and these ridiculously plump pink lips and this hair that looks like someone just gave him a really good fucking which is hot as hell. And yeah, okay, so maybe the feelings I have for Cas are not strictly buddy feelings. I mean, when I look at my other buddies, I don’t think about grabbing them and kissing them senseless, but the thought may have crossed my mind a few times with Cas. The hard-on he gives me sometimes is definitely not something that happens to me around your average dude, right? I know these things, but I don’t think it means I’m gay for Cas…but I might be a little bit gay for Cas.

So when Sam pitches a little bitch fit and calls me on it, I want to be mad at him, but I can’t really. Mostly I just feel exposed and super uncomfortable because honestly I don’t know how Cas feels about me. He’s an angel. Do angels even fall in love? I know Cas is different, I know he feels more than other angels, but is Cas even capable of wanting something with me? And I can’t shake the feeling that even if Cas is capable of feeling those kinds of things, that he wouldn’t feel them for me. Because even though Cas has fucked up just as much as I have, he has always been trying to do the right thing. His motives are always pure. He’s always trying to help everyone. Mostly he’s always trying to help me, and I don’t deserve it. I don’t even deserve to have a friend like him, let alone have him be something more.

Cas and I are left standing there when Sam leaves, and of course Cas is still all up in my space because Cas is always all up in my space. It used to bug me, but now I’m just used to it and when I’m being honest, I have to say I kind of like it. Usually I would just blow off what Sam said with some stupid remark, but I guess even I’m getting a little tired of wondering what this thing is between me and Cas because I look at him and ask “Uh, Cas, do you-do you understand what Sam was talking about?”

Cas just looks at me and his head tilts to the side like he does when he’s confused, but then he says to me “I think so, Dean. He’s saying he thinks we want to have sexual relations with each other.”

Well if there’s one thing you can always trust, it’s that Cas isn’t going to beat around the bush. And I really, and I mean really want to just make some jackass comment and let the moment go, but even more than that, I want- well, I guess I want Cas, so I say to him “And do you…have you…I mean, you’re an angel so probably not…” and start looking at the floor and rubbing my hand furiously on the back of my neck because it’s something to do with my hand besides grab Cas and Cas is looking at me and that furrow on his brow suddenly gets lighter and there’s this look in his eyes like something is clicking into place. I’m not sure how it could be, because even I know that what I just said makes no sense, but it seems to make sense to Cas because he says “Dean,” and there’s this quiet force to it, and something that almost sounds a bit desperate, “do you…do you think about us having sexual relations? I don’t know that I have, I only know that I always want to be near you. I have wondered why I feel the things I feel around you. I’m not sure if angels are supposed to feel this way, but ever since I met you, I haven’t seemed to be a normal angel so I don’t really know…” and he’s starting to get that tone in his voice and that look in his eyes like he’s about to puzzle out the mysteries of the universe and I don’t have time for that so I close the space between us and I kiss him.

***

Dean Winchester is a righteous man. He’ll try to tell you otherwise. He never believes me when I say it, but it’s true. Dean Winchester is a righteous man. More importantly, Dean Winchester is _my_ righteous man. I suppose it’s natural to get a bit proprietorial when you’ve built a man back up from twisted scraps of flesh and bone. I’ve been walking among humans for hundreds, maybe even thousands of years, but not in all that time have I met the equal of Dean Winchester.  I know much about many things- that happens when you’ve been alive for longer then you care to remember- but I cannot understand why Dean cannot see how special he is. Even saving the world hasn’t convinced him of the fact, so I’m not sure that anything can.

My feelings for Dean are complex. My having feelings at all is complex, since I wasn’t really created to have them. I was created as a machine to do the will of my Father, but from the moment I set foot amongst these “hairless apes” as my brothers are want to call them, I’ve felt a sort of kinship with them. I’ve always cared about them. They are my Father’s creations, and they are beautiful. They are loud and messy and leak bodily fluids from the time they’re born to the day they die, but they have something we do not, and I have always felt the loss. That is, I have always felt the loss until I met Dean. Dean has made me feel things. He has made me so angry I have nearly lost control. He has made me so proud of his kind that I wanted to be human. And he has made me feel something else that I cannot put a name to. It’s a feeling that starts as a warm fire in my heart and spreads down through my limbs and makes me want to say and do things that serve no rational purpose. When I’m away from Dean, it hurts until I see him again. There seem to be something inside of me that needs him. I always want to be near him. It’s confusing. I’ve never felt these things before. I’m not sure what they mean, I just know that I want…well, that’s it- I want. I want with every fiber of my being, but I’m not sure what I want.

Or I should say I’m not sure what I want until Dean kisses me. When Dean kisses me I feel God in it. I’m not sure where God is or if He’s even still alive, but when Dean kisses me it is something not entirely of this world. It’s like I have been handed a miracle and I feel breathless with the gift. In that moment I know that Dean is what I have been wanting- every fiber of him wrapped around every fiber of me. Even though I didn’t know it was what I was wanting, and even though I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with this knowledge, it seems like the most natural thing in the world to slip my tongue into his mouth and explore every inch until he gasps for breathe and looks completely undone, breathing my name out like a desperate prayer.

***

You know how they say “be careful what you wish for”? Yeah, no kidding, and now I’m never going to be able to rid myself of the image of my brother and his angel all tangled up on the bed, buck naked. Silver lining? I guess those two idgits finally figured it out.  Maybe God is still out there.


End file.
